Sambalhot - the online community to meet Asians for penpals, friendship, romance, love and marriage

Love, Relationships, and Dating on the Internet
Copyright 2004, Dr. Julie Curran

Consider that dating has not only moved into the 21st century but that Online Dating has allowed people to meet each other in an ever-widening circle of choices.

A couple of clicks of the mouse and you can meet someone in any state, country, of any religion, or sexual preference. A couple of more clicks and now you can start meeting those whose interests, hobbies, emotional make-up, and lifestyles are a match for you. So, what could be easier? Well, for starters, when seriously looking for a relationship, it is the very variety of choices that presents the most difficulty.

So setting love aside for later discussion, what follows is a suitability scale based on common interests, values, goals, lifestyles, tastes, desires, needs, and ideals. Remember everyone comes into a relationship with their own set and because of that reality all possible partners would fit somewhere within the following range.

Ideal suitability. There are perhaps a dozen or so possible partners in the entire world with whom a long-term relationship would be ideal.

However, there are some skeptics who even doubt that in all of history, except for movies and fairy tales, such a union has actually taken place. Nonetheless, due to the small odds of actually meeting someone fitting this range, let us turn to the next stage on the scale.

Unusual suitability. Here is something much more possible. Where the first applied to only a dozen or so possibilities, this category includes a few hundred choices. And were it not for the Internet's Online Dating Services, there would have been scant opportunity for ever meeting anyone fitting this category. So, if you are fortunate enough to connect with someone here, do not pass over him or her for something transitory like sex appeal. Keep in mind that if sex appeal were the most important consideration in forming meaningful relationships then Hollywood film couples would be outstandingly successful.

High suitability. This means a person who would be well adapted to a happy and satisfactory relationship. Here is something that is highly possible. Before the Internet, one way of doing this would have been to join particular groups and activities to which such a person would naturally be attracted. However, if such a group was not readily available or did not have enough unattached members to make it worthwhile to join, the only option left was to move in the hope that there would be enough choices to make it worthwhile to do so.

Good suitability. While highly suitable applies to only two to three percent of the population, this category applies to ten to fifteen percent. For anyone searching for a long lasting relationship this is were the line in the sand should be drawn. This category means that while you may not have a great deal in common, what you do have in common is enough to sustain the relationship. And what you do not have in common is not so divergent as to cause major clashes.

Reasonable suitability. Most normal people could get along with most other normal people reasonably well. In this category, if your expectations with each other are limited you should be OK as long as you realize that many arguments will ensue in rather short order.

Possible suitability. In this classification we have those who are good material, but not suitable for each other. In other words, they may be a great fit for someone else but due to your proclivities, not you. Should you get involved with such a person, the relationship would be a serious strain on both of you. Physical attraction plays a great part in choosing someone in this category however, as soon as that wears out...and it will...major disagreements will soon follow.

Basic unsuitability. Need one say more? But it is somewhat surprising how many make life choices in this category. She pouts cutely. He or she has a great ass. The pout, not matter how appealing, could mean emotional instability, and that great ass is guaranteed to fall. Therefore, unless you are a basic neurotic, with all the choices the Internet allows, why would you even consider a choice fitting this category? And also, because the end results of these types of relationships can often be tragic, even if you are neurotic just don't do it, instead get professional help.

Think of it this way, regardless of all the psychological complexities in defining behavior patterns, neurotic behavior is nevertheless simply an exaggeration of normal behavior and as such a bit of cognitive therapy can work wonders.

Dr. Julie Curran earned her PhD in Behavioral Science and then expanded her studies to include NLP and hypnotherapy. As a busy single woman, she turned to the Internet and after more than a year of search and research she met her Mr. Right. It was the frustration of wading through thousands of online dating services that led her to start http://www.dating-bydesign.com as an online dating guide.

Sambalhot - the online community to meet Asians for penpals, friendship, romance, love and marriage